I noticed that I’m frequently too lazy to make myself salad because it’s too much effort to wash the lettuce, check to make sure there are no bugs on it (in which case if I run into one in the salad, I just pretend I think it’s just pepper) and then there’s the cutting up all the other vegetables. I can get lazy with the baby carrots, cuz they’re already somewhat bite size. (Hey, I have a big mouth.) But…you can’t very well get lazy with the other veggies. You’re risking the heimlich maneuver if you don’t cut up the lettuce or cukes. I did a pretty craptastic job of cutting/tearing up the lettuce this evening. As I’m sitting here typing and eating I noticed my fork poked a ginormous leaf..roughly the size of a baseball..Why did I dedicate this whole paragraph to cutting vegetables? Sorry. I guess I fixated on it. I’m actually pretty pleased I managed to “make dinner”. A bowl of rabbit food….mmm. (Rolls eyes.) I can feel a bowl of cereal coming on real soon.

I can’t wait to move. I mean i’m not looking forward to the packing of the junk into boxes and moving it from A to B and then unpacking it and then deciding I don’t really need it and then throwing it away. But anyway, back to my point- I can’t wait to move because my wonderful neighbors that I currently live across from leave their fantastic, sexy garbage cans in my front yard on garbage day. That’s right. The garbage trucks have come and gone and I still have a fabulous view of their dumpsters in my front yard. If that wasn’t just the ice cream on the cake- oops I meant icing on the cake- well, their giant horse or dog (it’s a barking horse, I swear) sounds like he is going to rip my body limb from limb when I go outside. And suddenly I start thinking their six foot fence isn’t nearly sturdy enough to keep that barky thing in their back yard.

So it’s- oooh- here’s something creepy- so the other night, i’m all alone and all of a sudden (I shit you not) there is a man in my living room talking about Gain laundry detergent. Scared the robot right out of me. I still do not know where it came from. I got up and turned the tv on thinking maybe power surged and it put on the tv, but that wasn’t the case as I had left a dvd of my brazillian butt workout on pause, so no Gain advertisement there. (Please when you read the word advertisement, I want you to pronounce it “add-vert-tisss-ment”) Anyway, I have NO clue where it came from. I did notice something on my iPhone keeps opening up in Safari to some stupid ad pages. Maybe that was the culprit. But I didn’t sleep a wink the rest of the night. I was afraid some weirdo was going to sneak in and do my laundry…and then proceed to kill me.

So, small sidenote here, I kept getting up from this rag tag blog and my salad to run into the kitchen and get a fistful of cheerios. And here I am twenty minutes later. I’ve given up on the disgusting, healthy, organic salad and I’m about to go to the kitchen and have myself a bowl of cheerios. Ok, they’re not “really” Cheerios- they’re the bargain brand Happy-o’s.

I hate that I always have to put around 15 grams of granulated sugar into the cheerios bowl. It’s like digging in a sandbox with my spoon. If you ever wondered why I blog in the wee hours of the morning, it’s because i’m amped on cereal sugar noted above. Which reminds me- (already the thought of sugar has caused my brain to short circuit and lack reason) I should watch Jim Gaffigan’s third stand up comedy on Netflix. I had the gumption to fall asleep watching it the first time. And quite frankly I’ll probably do that here in around another 20 minutes.

I was going to go for a walk around what most people would call a bay but we prefer to call “spit”; which is just a really ugly word for land mass or peninsula separating ocean or something like that.

Lastly, Dyspnea sucks and so does being allergic to garlic. Oh, but wait I forgot to write the other two things I was going to share. First of all, the night was not a total loss. I FINALLY did my sink full of dishes. Now I have glasses to drink from again, and I can stop drinking out of the juice container. (That’s right kids, do as I say, not as I do.) Annnnnnnnnnnnnd my fish can finally be thankful their fish tank has been cleaned. Although right now they’re sulking because they hate when I have to chase them around their tank with the fish net and dump them into a bucket and then back into their new digs. And….yeah..this is how much I hate making salad- I EVEN folded laundry and put it away all in an attempt to stave off salad making. But, the truth of the matter was it was getting ridiculously late and I’d probably pass out from not eating, ergo that stupid salad I spent so much money on buying the ingredients for was a necessary evil.

Ok. Now I have shared these few things and in hindsight it should probably be considered over-sharing. Ah well. You are none the wiser for it.